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Let’s face it … The definition of family in today’s world is changing.
First marriages fail at a rate of 50% and remarriages fail at a rate of greater than 65%. There are couples and domestic partners who, for many reasons, can’t or choose not to marry but are a real family. We introduce these mates as our boyfriends/girlfriends, life/domestic partners, spousal equivalents, our significant others, our better half and so on. But in reality we are spouses that have not walked down the aisle. We are … Para-spouses ( P-spouse, as we affectionately use!)
Why “Para?”
Just as a para-legal or para-medic provides support in the professional areas of life, a Para-spouse lovingly and willingly accepts the responsibilities, obligations, commitments to a partner/child. We need these words to help identify these loving relationships as a family.
If our P-wife or P-husband is helping to raise our children, what words do we have to identify that relationship? While our P-spouse cannot legally be known as a step-parent without a marriage, couldn’t our partner be a P-mom® or P-dad® to our sons and daughters?
Parents and children, biological, step and half, live under one roof. Do all children feel part of the “real” family? Could using the term P-son or P-daughter help cement the relationship? Could a step-mom who is uncomfortable with the “Cinderella” connotation choose the alternative phrase P-mom®? The answer to all these questions is YES but English has few positive words to describe these new inter-family relationships. Para-kin terms are the answer.
No BS and well written, thanks much for the post
Thanks Dave. I am no expert in family relations but I do know that we need these terms for identification particularly between unmarried para-spouses and children. Thanks for taking the moment to comment. Deb
Woah! I’m really loving the template/theme of this website. It’s simple, yet effective. A lot of times it’s very hard to get that “perfect balance” between user friendliness and visual appearance. I must say you have done a superb job with this. In addition, the blog loads super quick for me on Opera. Excellent Blog!
Thank you! The message is simple. Family is who we include in that definition. With so many blended couples and children out there, rather than “yours and mine”, let’s make them “ours”. What the terms P-dad and P-mom do is create the words which give meaning to the relationship within the home of the parent and child.
Really cool post, highly informative and professionally written. Good Job
Thanks Janell. Para-kin is looking for personal accounts and stories about Para-kin in our own families. Have you something you would like to add? Feel free to write back! Deb
On the Facebook page, Para-kin was recently asked about the group’s thoughts about what various labels mean to them (for example, some “stepfamilies” prefer to call themselves “blended families.” Would “para-families” work?)
Here is the initial response:
I think those of us from law, social work, education and related fields who deal with “blended families,” all have one thing in common. We are there to identify and help in some capacity. The issue for us in the legal profession has always been the labels, as imbued within the words are obligations and rights.
The word “step” traditionally and in our legal system, can only apply in situations where a marriage has taken place. So the position of step-parent to the non-biological child is a legal and recognized relationship. And in the not too distant past, this is how people lived. They married, divorced and remarried and that was the socially acceptable norm. However, in the current world, the definition of family is truly changing on a day to day basis, i.e. who is and is not family.
As you know, we now have so many unmarried adult couples, some who are barred legally from marriage and others who chose not to marry but nonetheless are, in monogamous relationships raising children from a prior unions. Yet there are no legal obligations or responsibilities for those children by the non biological “parent.” Thus, there are no words to identify the relationship, since no relationship exists… Right? Without the existence of Para-kin, I have to call non-biological daughters whom I love.. “my partner’s children.” There is no indication of my affection or moral obligation which I feel toward them or they feel toward me. (hopefully!) I cannot be a step-mom, since we are not married, and they are not my step-children. So.. who are we? What can we call ourselves?
What Para-kin does initially, is give identification to this whole group of families. It gives a word, and a word with a meaning, to our relationships. Right now, we use so many words to describe the adult couple, be it partner, domestic partner, life partner, significant other, spousal equivalent, better half, etc. Why not just call it like it is.. We are all Para-spouses. We are fulfilling needs for each other as a spouse would, without the traditional walk down the aisle. I would ultimately like to see a classification of P-Spouse right next to Spouse on all government forms.
So if P-spouse is an accepted term, it naturally will follow that Para-mom, Para-dad, P-son, P-daughter will follow. With the recognition of the words, we give identity to all these wonderful families who are struggling to explain who they are.
I want to make it clear. There are multitudes of of step-families that embrace the terms step-mom etc. in positive and loving ways and certainly do not need the Para-kin message. Its not the purpose to, in any way, tamper with their success. Para-kin does exist however, for the other families.. those that may be searching for an alternative term for whatever the reason. Sure it may have to do with the subliminal connotations, but perhaps not. We have received feedback that some families just feel that using the terms P-dad, P-mom, P-son or P-daughter feels to them, more inclusive.
I hope this begins to answer your question on labels. We all grapple with this issue every day. The concept of Para-kin is hopefully a tool that will aid in communication between folks and perhaps get us all, one day, on the same page.
You have noted very interesting points! ps nice website.
Thanks, Reagan.. Is there a Para-kin in your family?
I like this site. Very up-to-date. it’s a master piece! Glad I found you on google.
Thanks for writing, Olivia. It is a “very happening” issue for all of us in blended families. I appreciate you taking the time to drop us a line. Deb
Awesome Article! Quick read and informative.
Thanks, Jacki. That was the goal.. Read it, think about the terms and use them!
Thank you webmaster for such a meaningful blog post. I am impressed with your view on Para-Kin: Blended Families in Today’s World.
Very cool, Papa John. We appreciate your help in spreading the words. :)
As blended families in transition, from all strata of our socio-economic spectrum, search for language that appropriately describes their relationships with new family members, they will find that para-kin is a wonderful new descriptor that captures the essence of close family connections in a positive and heartfelt manner. Thank you for your energy and creative spirit that is helping to bring these new terms to life.
Thank you, Marc, for taking the time to comment. It is precisely for the reasons that you so eloquently express, that Para-kin is finding its raison d’etre. Please stop by again with any additional thoughts or suggestions.
Greetings! I’ve been following your web site for some time now and finally decided to go ahead and give you a shout out from Houston Tx! Just wanted to say keep up the fantastic job!
Well howdy, Texas. Glad the Para-kin terms are spreading to the south!
You’re so correct. I’m there with you. Your weblog is undoubtedly worth a read if anyone comes across it. I am lucky that I did mainly because now I have a whole new view of Para-family. I hadn’t realized that this problem was so critical and really, so universal. You absolutely put it in perspective for me. Thanks!
thank you for taking the time to comment! You absolutely get it.. Can you help us to spread the words? Happy holidays and thanks again for writing! Deb
Really clean and fantastic user friendly style and design, and interesting content.
Thank you, Leda! Have you a para-kin in your family? Let us know.
I absolutely love http://www.para-kin.com/comment-page-3/
Thanks, Calgary gal..Glad to see the terms are hitting a spot in Canada!
Thanks for all your efforts that you have put in this. very interesting information.
Tom, appreciate you taking the time to comment. Do you have Para-kin in your family?
Merely a smiling visitant here to share the love (:, btw outstanding design .
Well Audrey, from one smiling visitor to another… Thanks! Deb
Excellent post I must say.. Simple but yet interesting and engaging.. Keep up the awesome work!
thanks, Chia!
I’m impressed, I must say. Very hardly ever do I come across a weblog that’s each informative and entertaining, and let me let you know, you’ve hit the nail on the head. Your blog is critical; the issue is some thing that not individuals are talking intelligently about. I’m really happy that I stumbled across this in my search for one thing relating to this problem.
Glad you stumbled upon us, Joseph.. Appreciate your help in spreading the word.
Really like this website, this really helps and very useful.
Rolf. I have to agree. The Para-kin terms fill in the gaps in our language. Thanks for writing.
I like your writing style truly enjoying this internet site. “Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.” by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe.
Great quote, Ruby. Thanks for commenting!
I got what you intend, saved to favorites , very decent website .
Thanks Isabella..Do you have P-mom or P-dad in your family? Let us know.. Deb
Hi,this article is great,I found it on google and I like it very much,I agree with you, lots of things will be learned form your site, but I still have some questions with the last part,can you explain it for me?I need your answer,and I will be back again!
Sharron.. thanks for taking the time..I will be happy to answer questions. Feel free to contact me again through the website and see what we can do. Deb
Hiya I just stumbled upon your homepage and found it interesting! I must inform you how much I loved it. Is there going to be an update? I will bookmarking your article and definitely check back!
Thanks, Tami! Glad to see we have made Delaware News! thanks for spreading the words. Deb
This article was very well written, I have found this blog on Bing. I will bookmark this site and come back often, thank you for all your time and effort, cheers.
Cayla, appreciate the comment. Do you have Para-kins in your family? Let us know and thanks again for taking the time to write. Deb
Hi there,You have a good Website. Will be back to check it out again soon. Till than have a good day!
Yours Sincerely
Hi Tory:
Thanks for taking a moment to write a comment. We really appreciate the support here on the Para-kin website. Be sure to check out the group on Facebook too! Deb
Howdy blogger, thank you for providing this article.. I found it first-class.
Maria: thanks for taking the time to write. Please spread the words. Deb
This really answered my problem, thanks!
Lots of people are saying that, Freida.. Glad to help!
Great post. I am facing a couple of these problems.
You know what, Deena, a lot of people are facing the same issues. If using the Para-kin concept and words can help, go for it! Spread the news about the site. Thanks!
Hello my friend! I want to say that this post is awesome, nice written and include approximately all significant infos. I would like to see more posts like this .
Hi Breanna: Thanks for taking a moment to write. We think the information is relevant to today’s blended family. All we can do is hope that the concept catches on. In the meanwhile, spread the words and lets see what we can do together! Deb
Fabulous article in the newspaper!!! Congrats!
http://www.ricentral.com/content/new-identity-committed-couples
Thanks, Elana!
Just wanted to give you a shout from the valley of the sun, great information. Much appreciated.
Galen, We hear the shout! thanks for writing in! Deb
Well done. I enjoy your content articles.
Thanks, Shaunta. Feel free to post a story about any Para-kins in your family. :)
Greetings! I’ve been reading your weblog for a while now and finally wanted to give you a shout out from New Caney Tx! Just wanted to say keep up the good work!
thanks, Texas!
Good site! I adore numerous of the articles which have been written, and particularly the comments posted! I will undoubtedly be visiting once again!
Hi Shannon.. Thanks so much for taking the time to comment. Please spread the words and lets get them into our language! Deb
Nice post, I love the website.
Thanks Kriz! Do you have a Para-kin family?
Your article Para-Kin: Blended Families in Today's World was in my Bing news feed. Congrats on the article.
Thanks for letting us know, Farella! That’s pretty cool.